Tales of Mischief
by Ayame99
Summary: Two silly adventures with the TOS gang. Each chapter is a new story. Second Story UP! POSSIBLE SPOILERS!
1. Default Chapter

A/n:I'm back withfunny stories..no more dirty stories for FF XD.I hope this is funny and gives you a laugh. I may write more parts to Tales of Mischief and make other adventures, if this one issucessful. Either way it made me laugh, read and review!

* * *

**Tales of Mischief**

Don't forget your blue suede shoes

Prologue – 5 years afters their adventures in saving the two worlds the Tales of Symphonia gang still visit each other. Usually they meet up at Zelos's mansion in Meltokio once a year for a get together, be it a party or dinner or a game of Twister. Either way each time sets forth new adventures and excitement.

* * *

"Do you smell something burning?" asked Genis sniffing and gazing doe eyed at Presea.

"Sebastian? Are you burning something again?" Zelos hollered from his lazy perch in his expensive recliner chair in his spiffy mansion.

"Aren't you forgetting, Sebastian has already gone to bed," stated Sheena, dressed in her finest, swirling her red wine in her glass. Zelos insisted that her cool beauty self had to enjoy the best vintage from all of Tethe'alla.

Grumbling Zelos got up and went to check it out but he almost bumped into Regal, who smelled like a distillery. "Bud, what are you doing!"

Regal obviously smashed, hiccupped. Everyone face faulted.

"Your drunk!" cried Genis pointing and laughing.

"Indeed…I blame Colette the she devil (hic)…did you know peach schnapps tastes good," Regal slurred and threw his cuffed hands over Zelos hugging him, or was it hanging on him.

Climbing out of the drunken embrace Zelos just pushed Regal to sit on a sofa behind him. "Well I see we can save our gald because that big boy doesn't need anymore drink," Zelos said giggling.

"Since when are you worried about gald," Lloyd piped up and tried not to laugh too much as he heard Regal burp.

"I'm not…"

Colette tipsy as well came into the sitting room holding a plate of burnt cookies and said, "I'm sorry I burnt the cookies but Regal kept giving me this tasty drink."

"But he said you gave him peach schnapps," Genis said looking at Colette incredulously.

"Oh you know your right. Did you know Zelos has this cupboard full of pretty bottles? Well I opened one. It was the most fun making cookies, Regal's so funny didn't you know," Colette wavered and giggled.

Gobsmacked the gang looked from Colette to Regal. Then Lloyd asked, "Well maybe we should just hang out here tonight?"

"No way, I wanna go out!" complained Genis, shoving back his much longer silver hair.

"We are under aged youths that don't have significant ID to get into the club," Presea added so matter of fact. She looked like a teenager now since after saving the world her time started to move forward, thankfully. Now she looked as old as Genis who was now seventeen. She had to admit he was growing up to be very handsome.

"But Zelos could get us in," Genis whined, looking at Zelos who was holding up his hands.

"I may be the Chosen but it's illegal to serve minors and allow them into clubs, sorry bud," Zelos grinned evilly and thought he didn't mind leaving the brat behind.

Genis huffed and crossed his arms but Raine added, "Maybe I'll stay here with Genis and Presea. Sorry Presea I know you're not a teenager but you'd never pass for your real age."

Presea shrugged, she was used to it.

"What no way! You have to come with us Professor. Besides we brought them a movie and pizza," Lloyd said earnestly, still wearing his red confederate styled clothes, with the wispy white tales flying behind him.

Genis grumbled, "The Neverending Story," he twirled his finger in the air in a whoope doo gesture.

Raine thought about it, she had been looking forward to this so she relented alright, "I hear the building that the party is in is really old and full of interesting structures," she explained as everyone groaned.

Then Regal spoke up to add, "All the stones in the floor (hic) come from the Toize Valley Mine you know…pretty stones, blue, green, fuchsia…" he trailed off still calling out colours and everyone shook their heads.

"Come on then the night is young and there are hunnies that require my attention," Zelos quipped and placed his hand on his sword, "Should I bother?" he asked.

"Don't be an idiot, you should always be prepared," Sheena said sharply.

"Oh rawr, Sheena you're gonna give me the first dance aren't ya?" smirked Zelos while adjusting his pink overcoat. Hmm, perfect he thought, positively gorgeous.

"Get bent Zelos," Sheen says harshly, standing with her hand on her hip.

Zelos looks crestfallen.

"Ok lets get going," Lloyd says and walks to the door, "Hey where's Regal?"

Everyone looks around, but he's not anywhere to be seen.

"Maybe he went to sleep it off?" offered Raine and said," Genis go look upstairs," it was more of a command than a suggestion.

But Presea said, "He left five minutes and thirty-four seconds ago."

"Damn how'd we miss that?" Lloyd said frowning.

So everyone got ready and Raine told Genis to be good. Genis sat grumbling till he realized he was gonna be alone with Presea. Suddenly he was rushing everyone out. Finally he got his chance! As Zelos warned him not to burn down his mansion the lot left the house.

It was a beautiful night in Meltokio, the stars were shinning and there was a festive feel in the air. Tonight though, Lloyd had talked all of them into partying in the one of Meltokio's clubs. He was surprised he'd talked the Professor into going and used tact to get her to agree. He told her it was a really cool old building and could be full of stuff to look at. What he didn't mention was that he'd been here once with Zelos for his nineteenth birthday bash. He didn't remember much of that night except that woke up in the morning in a Katz outfit. Must have been Zelos pulling a trick on him, he thought.

He looked at Colette who was tipsy already; dang that Regal, but she still looked hot in her white and pink dress and hot pink shoes. Her blond hair was braided down her back, it was pretty. And Sheena whoa, she was wearing this burgundy coloured short dress, midriff bared and this criss-cross pattern covering her boobs. She these leggings that went all the way up…then Colette tripped and both crashed to the cobblestone street. "Ow…are you ok Colette?" Lloyd asks Colette who is apologizing even more in her drunken state. Funny thing though is she doesn't need alcohol to make her clumsy, thought Lloyd.

They get to the entrance of the club and Raine cries, "Ten gald just to get in?"

"Hunnie, hunnie relax I'll take care of it," Zelos arrogantly says and as the bouncer's recognizes him the lets them all pass for free. "It's good to be Chosen, sometimes," quipped the red head.

The music is LOUD, so loud they have to scream to into each other's ears. Plus the place is packed full of Meltokio's young and old. Well anyone that enjoys the rock type music. It's a bit of a mix crowd; there are some from the slums here and some from the wealthy parts of the city. But that's what Lloyd liked about this place, it wasn't just for one type of group and he never felt he belonged to any groups so this place suited him. Besides you could get down and boogie! He liked that the most.

"Drinks!" cried Lloyd rushing up to the bar to get his favourite drink Sex on the Beach. He was already drinking his as he was handed Colette's favourite drink Brain Hemorage. He wasn't sure what was in it but it was really red and syrupy.

Zelos bought Sheena a Cosmopolitan and himself a beer. "Come dance my voluptuous hunnie," offered Zelos to Sheena but she looked embarrassed and angry.

"Forget it!" she yelled loud enough for him to hear her.

"Awe afraid you might enjoy yourself?" Zelos added slyly.

But Sheena never answered him and watched him shrug.

"I'll dance!" Colette claimed tugging on Zelos's arm, surprised he joined her on the dance floor.

"I sure hope this was a good idea coming here," Raine said and looked around, "You know this is a nice building, I'm going to wander around," she added.

Meanwhile….

"Come on Presea don't be like that," Genis whined and complained, "You know you want to as much as I do."

Presea was mulling things over.

"I bet we wouldn't even get caught, it's only fair," Genis went on.

Presea wasn't sure she was convinced yet, and shrugged while she watching the movie. It was her favourite part where Atreyu is flying on the dragon. But she heard what Genis was saying and she sighed. He was persistent.

"I bet you would enjoy yourself Presea if you just loosened up," Genis continued.

"Am I not loose?" asked Presea looking at Genis.

"Well…err…you should get out more," Genis said.

"Will going out, make me looser?" Presea questioned earnestly.

"Yes! And you'll feel happy too, come on lets go crash that party!" Genis says jumping up and taking Presea's hand. Together they run out of the house while leaving the movie running.

* * *

Back at the club Colette is cutting a rug and Zelos is surrounded but tons of females. Sheena is busy denying all the guys a dance and Raine well where did she get too? And where was Regal? Lloyd is nursing another Sex on the Beach and trying to dance with Colette, when he feels a tap on the shoulder. It's Lloyd's father Kratos.

"Lloyd I see your having a good time," says Kratos loudly into Lloyd's ear.

"Da…I mean Kratos what are you doing here?" he asks and spots Yuan behind him. "Yuan, is that you?" Lloyd asks.

"Yea hi Lloyd," Yuan says but Lloyd couldn't hear him.

"You two are hanging out together?" asks Lloyd rather skeptically, he always questioned his father's relationship with the blue haired renegade.

"One question at a time Lloyd," Kratos says and sighs. He looks back up and scans the room nervously.

What's up with Kratos wonders Lloyd; he can't shake the feeling that Kratos is hiding something. Lloyd looks them both up and down and raises his eyebrows; they are decked out for the party all right. Kratos wearing this white and bluish outfit, with cool tails. And Yuan has left his cape at home and let his hair down. He's wearing his red vest but nothing underneath, his arms and chest are bare, plus he has on his white pants and fancy boots. Yuan looks like a playboy, thinks Lloyd. He looks at them with an odd expression.

"Yuan is that you? Whoa buddy!" claims Zelos who has momentarily escaped the throng of girls.

"Zelos, shouldn't you be entertaining your bimbo's?" Yuan says haughtily, acting slightly defensive.

Zelos holds up his hands and smirks at him with a wink, as if he knows a secret or something and walks away, laughing.

Yuan just watches him leave and pulls on Kratos's arm, "Look Lloyd I'll see you around, be careful," Kratos says and follows Yuan.

Lloyd shrugged whatever, he wasn't going to let Kratos and Yuan ruin his night.

* * *

Genis and Presea stand out front of the club and look for a way inside, "I bet we can get in through the fire escape, come on!" Genis suggests and goes round back.

"Don't they have security, it's useless, they will catch us," Presea offers quietly, messing with her hair that Genis had talked her into letting down.

"Meh were not kids, we'll blend in plus I found this in Zelos's room," Genis pulls out an ID card and he's altered it so it has his picture on it. "Now I can even buy you are drink," grins Genis feeling all proud of himself.

"Genis you stole something from Zelos's room? He'll be mad," Presea says unsure.

"Who cares, what's he gonna do to me," Genis rolls his eyes and urges Presea up the fire escape and thru an open window.

Presea can't help but smile, this was sort of thrilling she thought as she climbed through the window. She could hear music and the building literally thumping from the base. It was exciting.

Somewhere in Meltokio…

Regal is chatting it up with a gang of Meltokio thugs, they thought he was hilarious and even made him an honorary member. But they insisted he needed a new hair style before he could join. As they did his hair, he shared his favourite recipes with them while he sat. The gang members giggled.

Back at the party…

"I see Lloyd and Colette!" Genis shouts back at Presea, who is leaning over the balcony of the second level of the building.

"Wouldn't it be wise if we kept our distance from them?" Presea asks.

"Yeah you're probably right, so lets keep a low cover," Genis suggests while they find the stairs and descend to the party down below.

Grinning Presea follows and is totally digging the music. She feels like she needs to tap her foot or something, maybe even jump around. She couldn't remember feeling so alive, so she followed the music to its loudest point in front of the stage were she could watch the band play. The singer winked at her, and she blushed.

Genis looked behind him and noticed Presea was gone. Oh crap, where did she take off too, he pouted. Now he was alone and warily keeping an eye out for Raine but he couldn't see her. Then he felt a hand clamp on his shoulder and he jumped and looked back at Zelos.

"Sneaky brat, you snuck in here," Zelos said smirking and actually patted him on the back. "Following after yours truly, I got to admire that. So where Presea I assume you brought the cute little hunnie?" he asked.

Genis released a sigh and thought maybe Zelos wasn't such a putz after all and said, "She took off, just a minute ago."

Laughing Zelos said, "Your better watch out for Raine, where ever she is," with that he dragged Genis to where Lloyd and Colette were. "I know they're dying to see you, so," Zelos commented.

"Genis!" screamed Colette and hugged him.

"Right on Genis you came!" cheered Lloyd and hugged him too, "Err…yea," realizing what he was doing, he just brushed Genis's shirt and stepped back.

Lloyd thrust his drink in Genis's hands and all three danced and rocked on.

Sheena was really bored; she should've stayed back at the mansion with the movie and pizza. She considered leaving as she wandered into a secluded room it was all orange and she gaped when she noticed it was a make-out nook. Was that? No it couldn't be…she was hallucinating. "Raine?" she yelled out but not a soul heard her. They were all to busy kissing and most likely buzzed out of their tree.

Sheena just grabbed Raine up and the Professor giggled and wiped her mouth. "Oh Sheena, hey…I was just," Raine looked back at some young Meltokio guy that she'd been making out with and smiled. "Sheena this is…," she wavered drunk, "I dunno!" she said laughing. "Weee!"

Sheena was shocked and shook her head and dragged Raine out of the Orange Room and tried to find her friends.

Somewhere in Meltokio….

Regal was still sipping from a peach schnapps bottle he'd scoffed from Zelos's house, walked by a three piece band. They were dressed all retro in Elvis styled outfits and wearing sunglasses. They were coooool. He stood around watching them and cheered loudly.

The band leader called for a break and he said hello to Regal and asked if he wanted to join in singing with them. He nodded happily and the band took gave him an outfit like theirs, plus pair of blue suede shoes. But in the change room Regal struggled to get on the clothes, because of the handcuffs, so they divided them. Regal gave no protest and hiccupped his approval. Of course the cuffs still sat on his wrists but now he could really dance!

Back at the party…

Presea leaned on the stage her head in her hands smiling at the singer of the band that was clearly flirting with her. She giggled and blushed watching the young man clad in black leather, spiky black Mohawk with many piercings. Then the band said they'd be back in ten and the singer kneeled down in front of Presea and said, "Hello." She sighed, she was in love.

Lloyd heard the style of music change while the band took a break and it was one of his favourites! Let Your Backbone Slide played and Lloyd couldn't take it no more, he needed to boogie!

Colette and Genis clapped and cheered as Lloyd started to break-dance. He was good too and the crowd gave him space and cheered him on. "Where did he learn to do that?" Colette cried jumping and clapping happily.

"I had no idea…" Genis replied incredulously into Colette's ear.

Then Sheena dragging Raine behind her shoved her way through the circle and gaped as she saw Lloyd dancing. Despite herself she laughed and let go of Raine who also did a double take when she spotted Lloyd.

DANCE! DANCE! DANCE!

"DANCE!" Cheered the crowd, which got bigger and louder.

Even Kratos and Yuan came to see what the fuss was about and peered into the throng and laughed. Kratos grinned and shook his head, surprised. His crazy son, he thought disbelievingly and Yuan raised his eyebrows as he looked at Kratos.

"Ha, Ha Lloyd couldn't restrain himself," Zelos spoke behind Kratos, watching the dancing Lloyd.

"He's done this before?" asked Kratos, trying very hard to keep a straight face.

"Yup, Lloyd's a dancing queen," Zelos said pushing past Kratos and joined Sheena and Raine.

"Hello, my fine beauties. Having a good time?" Zelos asked Raine and Sheena.

Raine hugged Zelos and the surprised Chosen smiled cheekily. Whoa Raine was drunk, because he knew she'd never hug him otherwise. He looked at Sheena glaring at him and removed Raine from himself. Then he spotted Genis and tried to walk Raine away from the crowd but Sheena yelled at him.

"AND WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING ZELOS!" Sheena yelled stitching her brows and looking angrily at him.

"Nothing I…," he stammered and Sheena looked ready to smack him. He flinched and sighed and nodded over in Colette's direction. Sheena spotted Genis too and then she understood.

"What are you two looking at," asked Raine loudly and peered through the crowd. Wait, was that Genis? Was he holding a beer? It couldn't be, she thought, but it was and Raine stormed through the crowd and yelled over the cheers.

"GENIS YOUR IN BIG TROUBLE!" she screamed as the song ended and the place was quite suddenly before the next song started.

Genis gulped and blushed in embarrassment. Many people snickered and giggled at his discomfort. Raine looked ready to bend him over her knee and spank him like she had in the past. He whimpered.

"Look, let's not get ourselves in a frenzy…" Zelos started.

"Shut up Zelos!" screamed Raine and Genis.

"Hey guys Genis was just having a little fun," offered Lloyd brushing his hands and clothes from dirt and dust from the floor.

"Butt out Lloyd!" Genis and Raine yelled.

The group stood there bickering over silly nonsense and got drowned out as music started up again and a few bouncers came to intervene. Presea was sitting on the stage kissing the band leader, whose name she didn't even know. Surely the band leader was way past his ten minutes break when suddenly the music changed. Presea sighed as the musician ran off to find out what was going on when Stayin' Alive (a hip 70's tune) started to play. Someone turned on the strobe lights and they flashed through the building and over the crowd. Then the dry ice fog maker started up and the stage floor was blanketed in a thick fog.

"Oh my gawd…" Kratos said, eyes as big as silver dollars. Who stoodnext to Lloyd.

Lloyd stopped bickering and looked to see what Kratos was looking at.

Then Colette cried happily, "THERE'S REGAL!" as she feel into a chorus of giggles.

The entire gang shut up and looked at the stage and their mouths dropped open. There was Regal blue hair done up in an afro, wearing a 70's disco outfit and his shackles separated, dancing Saturday Night Fever style. It was like Pulp Fiction part deux. The TOS gang gaped in astonishment at Regal dancing, the stars twinkling on his white bell bottoms.

"I never knew Regal could move like that," Raine said staring at the stage.

"I told you Regal was funny!" cheered Colette and dragged Lloyd closer to the stage and the rest of them followed them.

"Where did he get those clothes?" Sheena yelled to whoever was closest.

"Its like he found a time machine or something," Genis said blinking.

Kratos and Yuan joined them as well and they laughed and gaped at disco Regal. They were to shocked for words but Kratos literally buried his hands in his went Lloyd jumped on stage and joined Regal in dancing. The crowd cheered. Kratos groaned.

"YAY Lloyd!" squealed Colette and everyone laughed and cheered them on.

Forgetting all about their fighting, everyone clapped and cheered on the dancing duo. Lloyd and Regal were amazing in skill and the crowd loved it. The band took their stations and sat watching the free entertainment. And there was Presea hugging and kissing a guy with a Mohawk.

"Is that Presea!" yelled Zelos, "Boy sure looks like she got herself a little action," the Chosen laughed but slightly shocked to see little Presea being such a rebel.

Genis of course growled and climbed up on stage and readied a fire ball. When the musician saw him he screamed and ran but Genis chased him. Presea then chased after Genis and the crowd laughed.

"This is the greatest night ever!" claimed Colette and laughed as Genis and the musician and Presea ran around behind stage.

Lloyd noticed Genis and went to help him as the song came to an end and left Regal to himself again. As the song ended Regal just stood still momentarily before he went down like a tree a lumberjack just chopped down, passed out cold, disappearing in the fog on the stage.

Back at Zelos's Mansion….

Everyone managed to find their way back to Zelos's house. Colette used her angel strength to carry Regal to his room but no one dared removed the disco clothes. They thought it'd be funny to hear his reaction in the morning, so they left it alone. And after Genis apologized to Presea for over reacting, they to found their separate rooms to crashed for the night. Lloyd said goodnight and snuck into Colette's room. So now it was only Zelos and Sheena lastly.

"So my place again, next year?" Zelos asked the summoner hopefully.

"Of course, this turned out to be a lot of fun," said Sheena who winked at Zelos and went upstairs.

Zelos did a double take and said, "It's good to be Chosen," and ran after Sheena.

A/n: Dunno if any of you seen the movie History of the World but the guy keeps saying "It's good to be King" lol so I got Zelos sorta doing that with his Chosen title. Hope you liked it..I know its sorta wacky XD.


	2. Second Story

A/n: Well I wrote another story in continuation of Tales of Mischief. Each story is a separate tale, which has nothing to do with the first chapter. Each are new adventures and silliness. I don't follow rules when it comes to the techincal stuff of the game and that..if I did it would be sorta boring. So expect some wacky things. And yes there is a hint of yaoi business in the story, but I'm only making an on going joke out of it. And writing a cooking fic was easy since I love to cook and I love watching Iron Chef! Read and Review!

To the reviewers, cause I like to give you feedback.

Dead Boy: Yay! I'm glad you found this funny I was worried I'd be the only one XD

sirhcnotilih: Haha guess you didn't know it was Shootingstar99 sorry I had to put this up I couldn't wait. Plus your busy so no worries Glad you liked the story thankies!

FairyV: Aww my fine winged friend surreal...yup thats what I aim for I'm glad it made you laugh.

animekisekae: Thankies I'm glad you found this as humourous as I did. Yup Lloyd's a dancing queen! I just thought I'd put it in M cause of some of the suggestive themes I have here. You know with Yuan and Kratos and at the end withZelos and Sheena, plus the alcohol..gah I guess I also a tad paranoid now XD and yes I'm gonna continue to have fun with KY pairing hinting hehe.

Homocidal-Snowbunnies: Thanks I'll definitly try to keep at it

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**Tales of Mischief **

Iron Wonder Chef Challenge

Prologue – its summer break and Colette, Raine, Genis and Lloyd decided to visit Regal in Altamira. The busy tourist city was bustling with the up coming filming of Iron Wonder Chef, straight from Lorenzo HQ. Lloyd had called on Zelos to come to Altimara and he dragged Sheena along. So now everyone was shacked up in the grand hotel on the top floors.

"YOU DID WHAT!" hollered Raine, eyes blazing at Genis.

"What's the big deal, I thought it would be fun and I signed Regal up for the next segment of Iron Wonder Chef," Genis said grinning cheekily at Regal.

Regal raised his eyebrows, "You know…I have always loved that show." The blue haired man who finally held to his promise to Alicia wasn't wearing his shackles no more, spoke wistfully.

"See he'll do it," cried Genis, "Plus we can be in the audience to cheer him on or be his helpers."

"Regal do you want to cook on National TV?" asked Raine skeptically.

"I…," Regal started to speak but was cut off.

"Who's going on TV?" Lloyd butt in walking onto the terrace of the girls' room, all dripping wet from swimming at the beach.

"Regal is," Genis nodded happily and added, "I'd do it but I'm not old enough," the silver haired warlock added grumpily.

"What, we're gonna be on the Maury Povich Show?" Colette cried happily and stood looking at some puzzled faces.

"Colette have you been into wild mushrooms again?" Genis said dryly, "No I signed Regal up to be the next Iron Wonder Chef!"

"Well I don't know about Wond…," Regal was cut off again.

"Yay that sounds like fun do we get to be his assistants?" she asked her hair dripping from also being at the beach with Lloyd.

"STOP! Has anyone let Regal agree to this yet?" Raine shouted and looked at Regal who was smirking at the lot, with their cooking enthusiasm.

"Isn't there a contract to sign?" Regal asked Genis who dug out an eighty page document from inside his blue coat.

The group paled at the size of the thing.

"It's not as bad as I thought it would be, I'll be a moment," Regal said wandering off to read the contract, like the suave businessman that he was.

Everyone had been hanging out in the girls' penthouse room, when Colette and Lloyd had decided to go to the beach. Zelos and Sheena came along but stayed behind when Lloyd started thinking about food and wandered off at the smell of hot dogs near by. Of course Colette had found him scarfing down hot dogs and then decided to go see their friends here in the hotel.

"It'll take Regal forty-two minutes and ten seconds to read and sign the contract," Presea said more to herself rather than any one else.

"See I knew he'd do it!" Genis claimed, looking smug.

SMACK!

"Don't be so arrogant," Raine scowled and wagged her finger at Genis who was pouting.

"We get to be on television!" cheered Colette as she ran off to change into dry clothes.

Everyone sighed and Lloyd asked, "Don't they have sous chefs that help out Regal. So we'll only be audience members, right?" Spoke the spiky brown haired boy as he pulled off his swimming goggles and snorkel from his forehead.

"You actually watch that show too," Raine asked incredulously.

"Well…err…yeah Colette and I…" Lloyd started.

"I don't want to hear it," Raine held up her hand and said, "I'm going for a walk." With that she left the room and everyone staring after her smirking.

"She'll enjoy it once we get there; she'll see how much fun it is. Just don't let her near the food!" Genis suggested severely and everyone giggled.

Later on they all met up at a buffet for dinner and talked animatedly about the upcoming show. It took the restaurants' biggest table to comfortably seat them all and everyone sat with their choice of food and ate excitedly.

"Genis don't forget your napkin?" Raine stated without looking up.

"Yes mommy…" Genis growled.

SMACK!

"Don't be smart," Raine said sitting back down and the group snickered.

"You know I think you have sunburn right…," Zelos said about to touch Sheena where he shouldn't.

But she held her fork like a dagger, "Touch me and you'll lose it Chosen." The raven haired summoner said as she threatened Zelos's nether regions with a fork.

"No not the crown jewels!" cried Zelos holding his privates.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"So Regal, are you nervous, geared up, gonna kick some ass!" Lloyd asks shovelling food in his mouth working on his third plate.

"I will invest all my best efforts into preparing the best dishes," Regal claimed calmly, clearly unfazed.

"Can I be your helper?" asked Colette looking hopeful.

Regal regarded her with a tentative look and sighed, "If you must, I'll need two others too, anyone?" asked Regal wearing his causal clothes now that he could change without the bother of cuffs. He enjoyed his tan slacks and shirt with a red vest, hair tied neatly behind his back.

"I want to help," Raine said suddenly looking up seriously.

The air was still, time froze as everyone's jaw dropped. Lloyd paused mid slurp, a noodle hanging from his mouth, Genis dropped his fork splattering his clothes with red sauce, Sheena choked and Zelos unknowingly ate a chilli pepper without looking. Presea wore one of her rare shocked expressions and Colette continued to eat, not fazed at all.

Regal sweat dropped and said, "….Of course."

Just then Zelos yelped, his tongue hanging out and grabbed the nearest source of water. He pulled out the flowers from the vase and drank, Lloyd laughed and snorted.

"Must have been a scotch bonnet you ate, milk will help that," Regal said chuckling and called for the waiter to bring some.

Zelos sat panting and airing his tongue as the gang looked at Raine with side glances, "What, since you all think this show is so great. I wanna know what the big deal is. I bet I'd make a good sous chef."

"I believe you'll try your best," Regal said calmly and everyone snickered.

Raine huffed and sat quietly.

"Well then I can help can't I?" Genis asked hopefully. "Don't have to be of age to be a helper now eh?"

Regal smiled, Genis was probably the best cook among all of his friends and he jumped at the opportunity to add him to his team, "Sure!" he cried.

After dinner they all headed back to their rooms get a good night sleep, considering tomorrow was such a big day. On their way back Lloyd bumped into his father Kratos and Yuan.

"Da…I mean Kratos and Yuan you're here in Altimara?" Lloyd asked incredulously.

"Lloyd," Kratos turned a bright shade of red, "What are you doing here?"

"WHAT are you and Yuan doing here?" Lloyd countered haughtily, looking at them both what seemed like they just got out of the hot tub, since both wore towels wrapped around themselves. Lloyd stitched his brows together.

"Err…we are judges for this show, some producer asked us. What was it again, Iron Wonder Chef?" Kratos said matter of fact, looking at Yuan. Yuan rolled his eyes.

"Yes that's what it's called," barked Lloyd feeling uneasy and added, "We're going to be there tomorrow."

"Really?" Yuan said and paled, "Great, how did I let you talk me into this Kratos?"

Kratos giggled.

DID HE…?

DID KRATOS JUST GIGGLE? Whoa, thought Lloyd. He felt scared, very scared, "Look I need to go polish my swords or something," and with that Lloyd ran as fast as he could.

"LADIES and GENTLEMEN I'm your host Gnome and welcome to Iron Wonder Chef challenge!" cried monstrous looking creature with that looked like a giant rodent with a red ribbon on top of his head. "Tonight, we have the almighty Wonder Chef himself battling Regal Bryant, CEO of Lorenzo Company here in Altimara!" he cried to a roar of cheers.

The smarmy, cheery Wonder Chef bounced happily, with his group of all too happy helpers and bowed to the crowd in his green and read suit, donning his forever Chef Hat with the letter W on it. Regal shot sketchy eyes at him as did Colette, Genis and Raine in their sous chef outfits; alongside Regal in his white outfit and chef hat. He was going down, Regal thought as Gnome announced him.

"Each chef has one hour to prepare five dishes using the same ingredient as the main item in each dish! And tonight's main ingredient is….Spinach!" cried Gnome and paused, "Go!" he said to the chefs.

Each group huddled and discussed a quick game plan before they set busily to work. Regal was calm, he was used to being under pressure and thought up his five favourite spinach dishes. No problem he got Genis making the pastry dough and then pizza dough. Then he went to give Colette and Raine a job but what, he thought. Ah ha!

"Now Raine start chopping the onions and Colette follow this paper carefully. Add only the exact amount of mayonnaise and sour cream, alright?" Regal explained to her as he wrote down the ingredients and their dimensions on paper. They set to work.

"Look at them sorry buggers go," Gnome said in his irritating demeaning manner doing his duties as host. He went around interviewing tonight judges as the food was being prepared. "Like okay I have to actually talk to you guys so say something to the camera, will ya?" Gnome asked a group of astonished judges with his horrible mannerisms.

A sweet long brown-haired girl seated as judge number one spoke first, "My name is Chocolat. I live in rebuilt Palmacoasta with my mother, we run the local shop. Plus…."

"Yea, yea lady we heard the story before," huffed Gnome and moved onto the next judge.

Yuan was judge number two and he didn't look very happy to be here and asked, "Do you really expect me to say anything?"

"Ah duh, that's the point," Gnome added sarcastically.

Closing his eyes and sighing Yuan just said, "My name is Yuan that's all you _need_ to know."

"Wow, now ain't he got something up his…bleep," Gnome said arrogantly as the shows automatic sensors cut off his curse. Kratos could be seen holding back Yuan, in his attempt to attack the rude earth spirit.

Kratos didn't give any fuss when it was his turn next he simply said, "I'm Kratos Aurion, Lloyd Irving's father," he added with pride. "Now I work with Yuan."

"Boring," sang Gnome and added a yawn to emphasize his point and moved on. "Whoa, green hair, I bet you think you're cool?" asked the Gnome to the next judge.

Forcystus grumbled at the fat Gnome's words and said, "You will not talk to me in that manner, as in section 4B you have violated…."

"Yawn, next," Gnome simply stated and moved onto the last judge a snotty looking red head.

"My name is Seles, unfortunately Zelos's sister...," she started, when a familiar voice came from the other side of the set.

"Aww sis you know you love me!" and a chorus of laugher erupted from the audience.

"Gawd," she sighed and finished with, "I live in the Abbey."

"Seems like you need some family counselling geesh," went the plump earth spirit. "Why do I do this job," asked the Gnome to himself. "I know! Because you guys," he looked at Lloyd's group and the Regal's cooking team, "stole all my money from the dragon in the earth temple! No respect I tell ya!" The audience was eating this up and laughed.

Lloyd in his defence said, "That gald saved Luin! And then the world!"

"Yea, yea whatever," Gnome waved his big paw at Lloyd and then the camera's were back on Regal and the Wonder Chef. "Whoa I'm having a hard time seeing what your doing in that flour cloud Regal," said the host who started to cough.

Regal didn't look happy, in fact he looked embarrassed. He couldn't stop the chain reaction Colette set off. First she fell and hit the switch for stove, making a wooden spoon catch fire and causing a popcorn kernel to be fired like a missile, which turned on electric fan (used to cool hot pastries) and blew flour all over their kitchen. "Yea there was a little mishap," Regal said in a tight cool tone.

"Little!" cried Genis and stifled a snort.

"Come on guys lets hurry we only have fifteen minutes to finish," claimed Raine who was unfazed and quickly working while talking about the history of baking tiles used for cooking.

"Looks like were back in school, run for it!" Gnome cried and hurried over to the Wonder Chef. "Seems like you guys have everything under control?"

"I have only the freshest ingredients and the best helpers," said the Wonder Chef as he glanced over at Regal who was daring him to say more with a glare. "We will be victorious!"

"Very confindent even with that silly get up you wear," Gnome put forth to a stunned Wonder Chef. "Now let's talk to the audience," he walked up to the ascending theatre of people that were watching the show. "I know you guys, especially the one that talks stuffy to summon spirits, hey girlie how's it going?" asked Gnome to Sheena, who tried to disappear behind Lloyd. "Aww don't be shy, we still have a pact don't we?"

"Y…Yes, we do," Sheena said blushing as she realized this was on television and suddenly she straightened up and held her head high. She had to be brave, "Yes your help was greatly appreciated Gnome," she said clearly.

"Sure no problem, hey I like your ribbons girl with a sad face," Gnome said to Presea, who was carving a piece of wood.

"Um…thank you," Presea said touching her ribbons, "Why do you wear such a big red bow?" She asked studying the earth spirit.

"Cause I look so sexy!" cried Gnome and the crowd laughed.

"Nah, no ones sexier than the great and powerful Chosen," Zelos piped up flipping his hair.

"Hey aren't you the one that someone I know calls you; and I'm not saying names here; Idiot Chosen?" asked Gnome and grinned in the manner that any earth spirit could.

Zelos frowned at Sheena and said, "Thanks a lot." Then he hugged Lloyd, "But Lloyd luffs me!" Zelos cried for the entire world to see on television.

Lloyd groaned with his embarrassment and gave a nervous chuckle, "He's funny, ok Zelos that enough. I don't want to be like Kratos…," Lloyd spat out before he realized what he said and he blanched.

The audience went, "OOooooo."

Kratos sank in his seat and Yuan whistled.

"Well, okie then," spoke Gnome and moved as fast as his plump self could move. "Five minutes chefs!"

So the scramble to finish the dishes was on. The wonderful aroma of the food was filling the set and the intensity of the countdown was contagious. The audience got a little restless and the judges talked among themselves. And even though Regal thought Colette and Raine would be the end of his cooking reputation he was surprised that there were few mishaps. Well okay Raine almost dumped a bottle of cayenne pepper in a dish and Colette almost used all the saffron for the pie. Regal felt like he was babysitting, it was taxing.

But he did have five awesome dishes that he hoped the judges would like. Plus Genis had this neat idea for displaying the spinach soup in cantaloupe halves made into bowls. The only tasks Regal gave Raine and Colette were stirring or mixing things, thankfully he intervened on the pastry dough. Because she was busy making heart shapes out of it when it was suppose to be for a pie. He felt drained; cooking five dishes in an hour was killer.

"TIMES UP!" yelled Gnome and the two teams stopped. "Ohh now's the unveiling of the dishes and first up for the judges is Regal Bryant!"

Regal nodded at the judges and explained the first dish, it was a spinach pie cooked in a casserole dish with an artistic pastry shell, with eggs and cheese.

Yuan seemed to find this part the most interesting, and nodded happily at the dish as he tasted it and gave Regal a thumbs up.

"There is a pickle taste to this, it's pleasant but surprising at first," Kratos said and heard a giggle from the crowd, he glared at Lloyd who was snickering loudly at him. "Lloyd, please," he said nonplussed.

"Um…err yeah I thought dill was an interesting spice to add," Regal frowned at Raine who tried to look sorry.

Forcystus enjoyed it as did Chocolat and Seles. They all mmmm'd and ahhh'd at the dishes and finally got to the dessert the spinach milkshake with strawberries and surprisingly it was colourful and sweet and smooth. It was a hit!

Regal beamed.

Now it was Wonder Chefs turn. He bowed and smiled his goofy toothy grin. He explained his five dishes and how he'd mastered each, years ago in his travels. His entourage all nodded and agreed to his every word.

The judges enjoyed his stuff and commented on his food with positive responses.

"Ugh there is a spinach stem in the cake," Forcystus complain pulling a stem out of his food.

The Wonder Chef glared at his team evilly. They cowered in fear.

Regal looked confused at the Wonder Chef's team and thought how strange of him to act so crass. But he returned his attention to the judges and listened to the rest of their comments, overall Wonder Chef put on a big fight.

"After the break we'll declare who the next Iron Wonder Chef is!" cried Gnome and came to face the chefs. "Alright now, no brawling, or hair pulling or kicking if the other loses or wins, got it? If you do I'll be forced to sit on ya," laughed the Gnome heartily.

"Booya baby!" went Zelos.

"Yea kick some ass!" Lloyd said in his rouge way.

"Show em what you're made of!" cheered Sheena.

"Wahoo, loop de do!" Presea said and the group all chuckled.

Regal smiled at the encouragement and cheers from his closets friends. And then came the time to find out who the judges picked. He held his breath.

"Alright you guys I have the winner in my paw right here. And the next Iron Wonder Chef is….REGAL BRYANT!" declared Gnome, his red ribbon bouncing.

Colette, Raine and Genis cheered and hugged Regal who was truly smiling for once. Even Lloyd, Presea, Sheena and Zelos jumped out of their seats and tackled their friends in celebration. They didn't see it when the Wonder Chef came after them with a meat cleaver.

"Hey! Security!" yelled Gnome and out came some big burly elves but Presea was quicker, she held her axe ready. The Wonder Chef screeched at the much larger blade and everyone turned to see what was going on.

"He was going to hurt you…I won't let him harm my friends," Presea said determinedly.

Standing in front of Presea and protecting her Regal said, "Something's not right about you Wonder Chef, I felt something askew since we got here."

The Wonder Chef growled and tore off a mask and revealed himself as the Dark Chef. "Foiled again! It's not fair!" cried the Dark Chef in his attempt to impostor as real Iron Wonder Chef champion. "How did I lose…?"

Regal thought about this and it was simple, "Because you don't cook with your heart." His friends nodded and someone placed the Iron Wonder Chef hat on him.

"Either way you won fair and square, your dishes won over the judges, so congratulations Regal," Gnome said and added when they were off air, "Fuck I need a drink," and left the set.

"Let's party guys, I need to dance and we need to celebrate!" cried Lloyd hopefully.

Regal's eyes widened and he groaned. "Please no peach schnapps this time." And the gang broke out in laughter at the last time they went dancing.

"Aww but you're such a fun drunk bud," Zelos put in and patted the big guy on the back.

"Well that may be so but I have had enough of a crazy day already, but I'll watch Lloyd break dance," Regal said snickering.

"And the **best** part of this whole day," Genis said, "Was Raine's cooking didn't kill any of the judges!"

SMACK!

"Smart ass," Raine grumbled.


End file.
